Long Breathless Road To ….

After ten long extensive days, of which I was unconscious for two of, centered around two ambulances, emergency rooms, intensive care, neurological unit, a self diagnosis date with an old friend psychosis, I am on the long breathless road to recovery physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Having “epilepsy uncontrolled on medication“, can be some what of a hindrance on you complete life.  I’m not just talking small variance of life, I am in fact talking about the whole kit and caboodle.   I being an uneducated person on the effects, took my life as I knew it for granted, up until today.  All of these changes took part irrespective of my conscious or unconscious mind being privy.  The one thing I can honestly say “I did not foresee nor imagine would happen”.  My daughter witness to the emotional decline, in my newly given life.  Sure she and I have seen our challenges, hurdles and unexpected sweeping turns, but this is something else…  She has seen some, putting it right on out there, weird shit since October.  I’m not sure if many of you have seen tonic colonic, grand maul or staring seizures through the eyes of a seventeen-year-old? Well hear I sit today writing this blog saying “I have”.  I have seen it through her eyes now, in the way she looks at me now, the way she speaks to me now and to make my heart hurt a little more, the way she hugs me now…..  Seeing your mother in ICU for the fourth time in seventeen months…. Not only am I on the long breathless road to recovery for my self, I am also taking it with the incredible young woman I am fortunate enough to call my daughter!

 

In The Beginning

Blogging for me, life hit a whole new definition of low…  Newly unemployed, mother to a 17 year old, partner to a 32 year old, care taker of 2 dogs, 10 chickens, 1 cat, 5 fish and somewhen in all of this is me,  A 38 year old broken woman.  I have recently been diagnosed with Generalised Idiopathic Epilepsy (regular visitor to the ER and intensive care). I broke my tail bone and blew out 4 disk’s, with multiple surgeries. Dislocated both knee caps (resulting in patellar maltracking syndrome) falling 3.8 meters in a cylindrical underwater steel vessel will do this.  I had a total Hysterectomy at 28, so with these few medical problems I have also been a sufferer of major depressive disorder, and have even tried ending all the pain totally and for ever, a time or two.

Life throws us all challenges, the choice however is retrospectively measured individually.  Fight or flight, forwards or backwards, up or down.  My journey and your journey are that of different chemical compounds, reactions to challenges become a manifesto imaginatively so all that we are is the result of what we have thought….